Self doubt, inner critic, mean girl – call it what you will, the reality is they all originate from the same thing FEAR.
Fear of being seen
Fear of failure
Fear of not being good enough
Fear of taking action
Fear of what others might think
Fear of losing control
Fear of actually achieving all the things
Fear of having to sustain
Fear of yourself
None of this is actually our truth but we allow ourselves to believe it anyway. We jump down the rabbit hole and allow our inner critic or mean girl to snowball and create intricate and detailed stories around each fear to make it believable to our logical brain, ultimately convincing ourselves that if we take action or move forward one, two or all of these fears will come to fruition.
You know the ones;
People will talk about us in a negative way, sustaining positive growth will require too much within our daily routine, what if I’m too fit, healthy, skinny, strong? I’ll be judged, I don’t know what the new routine/space/habit will look like so I’ll keep doing what I’m doing right now because it’s within my control, what if I become “too perfect/successful”? I don’t have time.
I get it, I really get it! I have fears, self doubt, a mean girl just like you and she visits me when I’m vulnerable, changing or evolving. But lean in right now beauty because I’m throwing you a truth bomb you’ll want to hear…
SELF DOUBT IS THERE TO PROTECT US!
Shocking I KNOW!
Also seems unlikely given the thoughts and feelings we experience when our mean girl is visiting but it’s true. You would assume if protection was my mean girl’s MO then she wouldn’t make me feel so damn shitty, lacking and small right?!
When I think about someone protecting me I think strong, capable, fearless – not well … MEAN!
Here’s the point, our inner mean girl is aligning with our fears and her purpose is to keep us as we are locking us into inaction because that’s where we are able to wrap ourselves in a blanket of protection and comfort.
Being on the edge of our comfort zone, uplevelling and experiencing that rewarding, life changing, butterflies in the stomach kinda growth is what calls her into action.
Is she right? No!
Is it what we need? Probably not!
Does she think she’s helping us? Yes!
Is it going to keep happening? Yes!
Because we are always striving for more or better! Health, wealth, relationships ….
I learnt early that our mean girl is just that – a girl, a small child that is acting out because she feels vulnerable, uncertain and exposed. There are tears, criticism, hurtful comments, desperation.
If the adult version of you was presented with this, how would you react? (shout out to the mums reading right now!)
We would practice compassion, show her love, communicate, listen to the ‘problem’ and we would take action based on all the information we have. We create a safe, nurturing environment that acknowledges the fears without allowing them to paralyse us.
That all sounds simple so let’s look at the triple A!
I have spoken about this so many times and still love to revisit and remind.
Becoming aware is the first step in changing a habit, thought or belief. When you find yourself procrastinating instead of taking action, thinking it’s all too hard or worrying what other people might think of you if … Just stop and acknowledge that your mean girl is visiting – welcome her in and do nothing for the moment. The simple fact you are aware of what’s happening is a step in the right direction.
Now you are aware of what’s going on, acknowledge exactly what it is your inner critic is holding you back from achieving. Look at the signs;
When do the uneasy feelings start to come up for you?
What is your trigger? (Person, environment, action to take)
Is there a physical response when you start showing up? (think butterflies in the stomach, sweat, headache, fatigue)
Do you procrastinate at a certain time of day?
(like pressing snooze on your alarm clock over …and over….and over again)
Take the action anyway! Think about the times in your life where you have found yourself to be feeling uncomfortable about taking action BUT you have done the thing anyway because the end goal was enough to motivate you.
Did your worst nightmare ever come true? I’m going to hazard a guess and say in 99% of those situations you have come out the other side still breathing and probably better for the experience. TAKE ACTION ANYWAY.
By practicing daily affirmations we have the ability to rewire the limiting belief our inner critic is telling us is our truth.
Find affirmations that resonate with you and trigger a positive emotion/feeling then surround yourself with them as often as you can. Repeat them over and over – when you wake up, before you close your eyes at night, as an alert on your phone, written on paper and stuck somewhere you visit regularly (bathroom mirror, fridge), download the I AM app and pre record your own!
⭐️ I AM PERFECT AND COMPLETE JUST THE WAY I AM
⭐️ I LOVE WHO I AM
⭐️ I RESPECT AND ACCEPT MY BODY FOR WHAT IT IS NOW
⭐️ MY OPINION OF MYSELF IS WHAT COUNTS
⭐️ I EAT FOR ENERGY AND NOURISHMENT
⭐️ MY WELLBEING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO ME
⭐️ I HAVE THE POWER TO CHOOSE WHAT MY TRUTH IS
The truth is when we change, grow, heal or uplevel our inner critic is going to visit. It’s a sign we are moving towards something great, the question is – is that a reason to stop, stand still and remain the same OR push forward, take action and come out the other side gratefully aware that we stood in our power and took another step closer to living the live of our dreams and loving the body we are in.